Trump Wanted to Build a Border Moat Filled with Snakes and Alligators

Trump Wanted to Build a Border Moat Filled with Snakes and Alligators


-You guys, it was 90 degrees
today in New York City. 90. Right now, every guy in your office
who wears shorts year-round is like, “Well, well, well,
now who’s the weirdo?” That’s right. It was 90 degrees
today here in New York. It was brutal out there.
On the sidewalk, people were spritzing themselves
with pumpkin spice lattes. -Really?
-I saw — Yeah. It was so hot,
I saw a hot dog vendor fanning himself
with health code violations. [ Laughter ] -Really? Health code violations?
-He’s like, “C? Oh –”
It was so hot, President Trump wasn’t
the only thing melting down. That’s how hot it was.
-Oh! -So much —
[ Cheers and applause ] So much has happened today. I will try
to break it down for you so you understand
what’s happening here. The day started off
pretty light. Okay? First it came out that while talking about
strengthening border security, Trump suggested building a moat filled with snakes
and alligators. [ Laughter ] And you know today was nuts ’cause that’s not even close
to being the craziest part. I mean, apparently, Trump said that he wanted
to protect the border wall using a moat filled with snakes
or alligators. When they heard that,
every Bond villain was like, “Good God, what is wrong
with this guy?” He wasn’t kidding. Trump even
told his staff to find out how much building the snake
and alligator moat would cost. That about sums up
working for Trump. One minute, you’re meeting
in the Oval Office. The next, you’re Googling, “How much does
an alligator moat cost?” [ Laughter ] Trump said the best part of the
alligator moat was telling Eric and Don Jr. that he built them
a new lazy river. “Me first.” “No, me first.” “I get the —
[ Chomp ] I get the pool noodle.” “No, I get the alligator float.” “It’s real!” [ Laughter ] Trump also said
he wanted the wall electrified with spikes on top
that could pierce human flesh. Kim Jong-un was like,
“Wait, this guy can have nukes, but I can’t?
Like, what’s the –” After the story broke, Trump
responded on Twitter and said, “Now the press is trying to sell
the fact I wanted a moot… [ Laughter ] …stuffed with alligators
and snakes.” I don’t know where to start. Well, he misspelled moat and wrote moot.
-Right. -When a staffer told him
about the mistake, Trump was like, “Whatever,
the point is moat.” [ Laughter,
cheers and applause ] Thank you for getting that.
Thank you for getting that. See? I have faith in America! Come on.
I knew they’d get that get. -Come on.
-I love you guys. Trump also called
the story fake news. He was like, “It wasn’t
snakes and alligators. It was sharks and tornados. Fill it up with tornados. We have the technology.” Trump tweeted about the Ukraine
scandal and said, “What is taking place is not
an impeachment, it is a coup.” People saw that and were like,
“Wait a minute, how the hell did he spell coup
right and mess up moat?” [ Laughter ] And then Trump was really
in a foul mood because — And this is true — He tweeted
that the do-nothing Democrats are wasting everyone’s time
and energy on B.S. Take a look. Yeah. Mike Pence saw that tweet and
washed his eyes out with soap. He’s like, “Oh, my — Mother? Mother! Mother, slap me
across the face.” Here’s the fun part. All of that
happened before noon. So, that’s good. After that, though, Trump met
with the president of Finland. At one point, Finland’s
president said, “I’m finished.” And Trump was like,
“I feel your pain. I think I’m finished, too.” [ Laughter ] During his meeting
with the president of Finland, Trump took questions
from reporters and compared
Congressman Adam Schiff to his Secretary of State,
Mike Pompeo. He even went as far as to say that Adam Schiff couldn’t carry
Mike Pompeo’s jock strap. [ Audience groans ] But check out how he said it. -You know,
there’s an expression. He couldn’t carry
his blank strap. I won’t say it, because they’ll
say it was so terrible to say. But that guy couldn’t carry
his blank strap. Do you understand that? [ Laughter ] -What? -A blank strap is just
a jock strap worn by a Ken doll. Do you know what —
That’s a blank strap. “You know, you wear them
to protect your blanksticles. [ Laughter ] Do you understand
what I’m talking about?” Let’s get to
some better news here. A California woman just won the
world pumpkin pie eating contest after she ate 50 slices
in 10 minutes. Or as most Americans call that,
Thanksgiving. And finally, I heard that New Yorkers have been
smoking illegal toad venom. It’s crazy.
One week without vaping, they’re like, “Yo, you think
we can smoke that frog?”

100 thoughts on “Trump Wanted to Build a Border Moat Filled with Snakes and Alligators

  1. Let's actually build one and throw all the lemmings in it who spread fake news and propaganda. Leftist lemmings, SJWs, leftist tards

  2. Why do you guys always have to include politics in your "comedy" segments?
    Make fun of the president so that the stupid liberal cunts in your audience would fake laugh.
    🖕

  3. Remember last year when you weren’t political? You could have been different, you could have been the only talk show on tv to try and entertain. People get enough politics from literally every other show, when all they want is to escape for an hour.

  4. He can't say jock strap yet says BULLSHIT in caps in a tweet. Whats bad is this sicko orders the news guy to ask the guy he was in a meeting with questions vs him. The moment he did due to Trunps refusals, TRUMP ACTUALLY ANSWERED THE GUYS ANSWER VS LETTING HIM DO IT HIMSELF… WTFREAK IS THAT? HE THINKS FOR EVERYONE AND ANSWERS EVERYONE'S ANSWERS NOW? OH .. OH YEAH.. HE BELIEVES HE'S THE " CHOSEN ONE" WHAT A DUMBAZZ SICK PSYCHOPATH.

  5. Tbh, Trump wanted the moat to be filled with snakes OR alligators.
    Filling it with both would just be waayyy too crazy, even for this orange sack of blubber!

  6. Wow this is all lies and fake… trump literally never said any of this… you sir are a fake news pushing liar.

  7. Along the border where the "moot" filled with alligators and snakes, would be. There are spiders, snakes, scorpions, wild hogs, ranchers, no water, no food, border patrol and the cartel. Ect ect ect…

  8. if everyone smoked the 5meo-dmt of the Bufo Alvarious toad, humanity would heal itself and we could evolve more peacefully. don't knock it til you try it.

  9. Wow jimmy is so funny I love him I stay up at night to watch him, he does an amazing impression of you know who in the White House lol 😂

  10. Wall That I Want

    (Sung to the tune of The One That I Want)

     

    Its got spiiikes and some wires

    And some shootin patrols

    And if you think its this you’re climbin…

    ITS ELECTRIFYIN!!!

    You’d better shape up…

    Cause I need a moat

    And a crocodile or two

    Better wake up

    Cause we must control

    We can’t let them take your jobs from you…

    To our own we must be true

     

    It’s the wall that I want 
    Whoo hoo hoo Homey

    The wall that I want

    Whoo hoo hoo

    The wall we need

    So vote for meeee……

  11. See what anyone will do and say for enough money. You are a puppet, and MOOT has a double meaning. Good little Pinocchio. Q

  12. Let's be honest, no amount or size of Great Walls, or military spending, or nuclear arsenal, or non US soil military bases and ops, or international weapons sales, or personal weapons and magazine sizes, or of school teachers with guns, or of privatized, militarized and systemically racist police and mass incarceration, or of mass deportations including the Dreamers, or of bans of entire groups of people, or torture of immigrant children as a deterrent, or threats to shoot rock-throwing refugees, or torture of POWs, or control over women, or Space Farces, or border moats filled with snakes and alligators, or anything else will ever Make American Republicans Feel Safe enough… American Republican fear is historically extraordinary and virtually limitless! Fear (and the empathy and critical thought it kills) is what separates the right from the left. It’s a disease. #NationalEmergency #DeportMeToo #BanMeToo

  13. Who else believes Toadstool just watched the Crawl + Current War movies and thought "Wait … gators filled water and electricity … added to my egg frying wall … GENIUS!!" 😅

  14. 1:58. Sounds like something a troll would type in the comment section. Not like the fucking president of the United States.

  15. The way each one of the Jimmies and others are taking on the same moat again and again…the matter is soon going to become trivial and just a joke …are they doing it intentionally…Trump is a fool and just let's not talk about it.

  16. Trump's a great target for mockery and ridicule and always gives us new reasons to laugh at him. God knows he deserves it. But when I see him now though I can't help but wonder whether you Americans aren't all a bit tired of having a full-blown, 100%, incorrigible moron as your head of state.

  17. Utmost American thing I know. Lying about the republican president to make him/her look bad and celebrating bad habits

  18. Next on Trump's tyrant 2.0 list: get the sharks from Sharknado! Build the underwater lair of Bond villain! Buy the Pyramids and turn them into a space station launch site for his space clone troppers. Create a virus to wipe out all sane people and then rule the planet on a throne of McDonald's burgers. All surviving humans must paint their faces orange.

  19. Hey Trump you can fill the moat with your family, most of the GOP and your administration. You brought those vermin from your swamp, so put them in your moat.

  20. https://www.change.org/p/donald-j-trump-build-otra-nation-shared-ecotopia-between-usa-mexico-hyperloop-or-canal-over-a-wall?recruiter=118892365&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share_email_responsive&utm_term=fed725f0c4304f9eb73860f490ba066b&recruited_by_id=73fb6170-009c-11e4-ada5-730d0afef0cf

  21. Not 'one' mention of any of President Donald Trump's economic work, ever, which actually helps 'We the People' the 99%, stuff we should be told. You guys are quite obviously working to keep things bad, which only helps the 1% 'elite', the mainstream media should be scrapped, start over, lying to us is a crime against humanity, very, very dangerous, it has caused wars where millions have died, like iraq. They should be ashamed for selling out their fellow humans, karma's a bitch and all resistance is futile, truth and justice is coming for these sad collaborators, and they know it, and that's why they are panicking and behaving so weird…aren't they though? I have never know news to be totally one sided, trailer park bs, 24/7 no mention of anything that's actually useful to know. SAD..SAD…SAD..join the 'human race' again, we'll have you back, and it's glorious being a helpful Loving member of such a beautufl thing!
    Love and Peace for everyone, everywhere, always!

  22. 20 dollars per foot roughly 200 dollars a full grown alligator you do the math over 2000 miles long of borderline where does trump is gonna get the money to buy them gators taxpayers? In the 80’s Reagan pressured Russian President to break down the wall in Germany!

  23. Trust fund draft dogger wannabe king is talking about Dicks again in a Presidential televised interview
    …this is the morals of your President

  24. Trump isn't stupid. That's how. Something is up with all the dumb tweets. He is smart in certain areas and something is up. Don't be fooled by the fool facade.

  25. This had me on the floor laughing. I am sure I could have been heard from miles away 🤣 Thank you Jimmy!!! ❤️🇺🇸 🏡

  26. Trump will win in 2020 and he will keep winning for you…. whether you like him or not. Sad to see Fallon on board with bashing the president. Now no different than the rest of the media establishment

  27. Hey trump supporters are u embarrassed yet? I mean what would it take for u to throw out that red hat? lmao bunch of idiots!!

  28. Trump gonna build that boarder too. Believe me, Jimmy, it will happen, rather you like it or not. And that goes with the rest of y’all, too! It’s coming closer and closer each and every day…. #Trump2020 #MAGA #ItWillHappen #BuildThatWall

  29. No he didn't thats one idea that Obama in 2011 warned us about the fucked up ones running the show.. be more honest you drunk fuck

  30. Thank you Mr. President Sir for exposing fake news cheerleader squad. No talent no comedy no special guest. I guess holliwierd is weird after all.

  31. WTF SERIOUSLY SOO SAD!THE JEZEBEL SPIRIT HAS POSSESSED OUR PRESIDENT AND ALL OF YOU EVIL FUCKERS OUT THERE!YOU COLD BLOODED KILLER'S SHAME ON YOU.MAY THE LORD RESTRAINED YOU!

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