Solly: MEDIC Poor Soul: Suuuuuuuuuu SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Solly: Thanks! Cruel Overlord: No! Why did he deserve to burn in the firey depths of hell? Cruel Overlord: No! Why did he deserve to burn in the firey depths of hell? You, with the glasses! Another Poor Soul: Uhhh…he should have followed the Soldier! Cruel Overlord: Nein. Soul that deserves our pity: Uhh, he should have Übered the Soldier. Cruel Overlord: NEIN Medic: He should have been using the Quick-Fix to follow the Soldier into battle via rocket jump, spread some quick healing around, and used the ÜberCharge to make a push forward. Cruel Overlord: What the fuck did you just fucking say about Über, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Med School, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on RED, and I have over 3’000’000 confirmed Übers. Cruel Overlord: He should have followed the Soldier until he sees a Heavy, then followed the Heavy. Cruel Overlord: Step 1, find a Heavy; Step 2, pull the trigger; that is it. Cruel Overlord: Any questions? Medic: Uhh, do we have to do the accent? Cruel Overlord: Ja. Another Medic: Does it have to be exactly like yours? Cruel Overlord: There are 3 German accents. Cruel Overlord: There are 3 German accents. Accent with tits, accent while saluting our Supreme Leader, and accent with tits while saluting our Supreme Leader. Cruel Overlord: Pick your favorite. Now. We have one more presentation, let’s get this shit over with so we can go home and wank ourselves off, yes? Solly: I concur to wanking ourselves off! Medic: Ok, for my project, I did some research and I’ve actually come to the conclusion that the Heavy is a terrible person to focus on. Medic: Ok, for my project, I did some research and I’ve actually come to the conclusion that the Heavy is a terrible person to focus on.
Heavy: WHAT THE FUCK Cruel Overlord: VHAT ZE FACK Medic: Well, first off, it turns out that your ÜberCharge actually builds slower if you stick to one target. Medic: …whereas if you heal multiple people who were actually injured, it goes a lot faster and you can tell the other team to go fuck themselves more often. Cruel Overlord: Sticking to one power class helps to push forward! Solly: Yeah! Medic: Well, that actually brings me to my second point, which is that the Heavy isn’t great at pushing. Heavy: FUCK
Medic: He actually doesn’t do very well in wide open spaces. Medic: He actually doesn’t do very well in wide open spaces because his Minigun has a huge spread and not much range. Solly: He’s also fat and Russian. Mein gott. Die Sowjets sind in Berlin! Es tut mir leid mein Führer, ich habe das Vaterland versagt! Cruel, Immortal Overlord: I’M NOT IMMORTAL. OH GOD LET ME DIE. I HAVE FAILED THE FATHERLAND. Cruel, Immortal Overlord: Nobody asked you ! Cruel, Immortal Overlord: Uhh…the Heavy provides protection and can help heal the Medic with the Sandwich. Medic: Well that’s true, but who ever really helps the Medic, right? Solly: Haha! Not me. Medic: There are other classes that have better mobility and crowd control in open areas like the Demoman and the Soldier. MICHAEL BAY APPROVES 70 FUCKING YEARS OF HIDING IN A BUSH IN BUTTFUCK NOWHERE, ARGENTENA JUST TO DEAL WITH YOU FUCKS. MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. MEIN FÜHRER BITTE HILF MIR. Medic: And the Heavy’s just too slow when it comes down to it. Medic: Other classes need to band up and beat the shit out of him until he loses 100 kilos. Two thousands years of constant human evolution to create a hairless fucking coconut. My god what is wrong with him. Cruel, Immortal Overlord: You know what? Fine. Cruel, Immortal Overlord: You teach the class, ok? Cruel, Immortal Overlord: I didn’t want to be a Medic in the first place, but my dad was like the most stereotypically Asian thing you’ve ever seen. Cruel, Immortal Overlord’s Dad: “No son of mine is gonna be a W+M1 drop out.” Cruel, Immortal Overlord: And, so here I am, but apparently I’m a disappointment to you too, so you take care of it. Solly: All right, who wants to be a Soldier? YES Solly: Lesson one. Protect the Heavy. Kyle: Stop. Are you about to go down to the comments and ask what music you’re currently listening to? You know what? I’m too lazy to type this. Good day to you, and farewell.