Let’s get started. You can call me Snake. These are my assistants. Today we’re going to teach you the basic principles of self-defense. Imagine: You’re walking home from the grocery store. You see an attacker waiting by a dark alley. What you should do is… Sneak up behind your attacker… apply a self-defense choke until he stops breathing. Hide the body… and sneak away. This is the self-defense seminar, right? Huhhh, partner up. Uh, Mr Snake? This just doesn’t seem right. This guy’s not even attacking me. Letting your attacker make the first move is a rookie mistake. Alright…. Nice body hiding. Now we’re gonna talk about self-defense for women. Imagine I’m a girl, minding my own business, hiding in a box. A sexual predator approaches. Let him pass… The close the distance… and sever the carotid artery! Then hide the body. And sneak away. Mr. Snake? Are you sure that’s not just murder? Huhhh, partner up! I didn’t bring a box. The flyer said bring a box. Well, practice that one at home. Next lesson! Defending yourself against multiple attackers. Imagine: I’m walking home from my volunteer work at the soup kitchen and I see a violent gang waiting to attack. 200 yards away… I can defend myself at a safe distance using this! Now I can defend myself one attacker at a time. That is definitely murder! Prevention is the best form of self def— (DOOR CHIME) What the hell are you people doing in my dojo?

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