Meanwhile… Ruth-less Bader Ginsburg

Meanwhile… Ruth-less Bader Ginsburg


NOW, FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND A
LOT OF TIME OVER THERE HARVESTING THE
JUICIEST NEWS FRUIT TO MAKE YOU THE BEAUTIFUL EDIBLE
ARRANGEMENTS BOUQUET THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I LIKE TO TAKE
THE LEFTOVER CANTALOUPE AND HONEY DEW RINDS OF NEWS, TOSS
THEM OUT BACK WITH SOME EGG SHELLS, AVOCADO SKINS, COFFEE
GROUNDS, AND GRASS CLIPPINGS, THEN WATCH AS THERMOPHILIC
BACTERIA MAKE THE PILE FESTER INTO THE WARM COMPOST HEAP THAT
IS MY SEGMENT: “MEANWHILE!”
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING! MEANWHILE, YOU ALWAYS LEARN
SOMETHING WITH ME, AND THE PEOPLE KNOW IT. MEANWHILE, BAD NEWS FOR NETFLIX:
IN THE LAST QUARTER, THE STREAMING SERVICE “LOST
SUBSCRIBERS IN THE U.S. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE LAUNCHING ITS
STREAMING SERVICE,” WHICH CAUSED THEIR STOCK TO LOSE “MORE
THAN $24 BILLION IN VALUE IN SIX DAYS.” ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
YEAH. TRADITIONALLY, LOSING THAT MUCH
MONEY TAKES LONGER, BUT WALL STREET DECIDED TO BINGE. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, THE MEATLESS MEAT CRAZE IS SWEEPING THE NATION,
AND IT’S ABOUT TO BREACH THE FINAL FRONTIER, BECAUSE
PLANT-BASED MEAT COMPANY “BEYOND MEAT IS DEVELOPING MEATLESS
BACON.” ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
BACON THAT DOESN’T HAVE MEAT? WHAT’S NEXT, HOT DOGS THAT DO
HAVE MEAT? ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, THE RECENTLY BANKRUPT
“TOYS’R’US IS COMING BACK, BUT WITH A DIFFERENT APPROACH.” “NEW LOCATIONS WILL BE SMALLER,
AND THE PRESENTATION WILL BE FAR MORE EXPERIENTIAL AND
INTERACTIVE.” AND IN A NOD TO THE FINANCIAL
DEMISE THEY JUST RETURNED FROM, THE FLAGSHIP STORE WILL FEATURE
JEFFREY THE GIRAFFE LYING IN STATE. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>>Jon: OH, MAN! OH!>>Stephen: HEY…>>Jon: HEY.>>Stephen: HEY…>>Jon: OH, OH…>>Stephen: HE SAID HE DIDN’T
WANT TO GROW UP. ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) MY STAFF AND I HAD A DEBATE
ABOUT WHETHER I SHOULD DO THAT JOKE. I’M NOT SURE WHO JUST WON. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Jon: I DON’T WANT TO GROW
UP…>>Stephen: MEANWHILE, “AN
AMAZON DELIVERY DRIVER WAS CAUGHT POOPING IN A
CUSTOMER’S GARDEN.” UGH, I HATE IT WHEN THEY DON’T
LEAVE THE DELIVERY AT THE DOOR. ( LAUGHTER )
NO ONE TOLD ME NOT TO DO THAT JOKE. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, SUPREME COURT JUSTICE RUTH BADER GINSBURG CONTINUES TO
— ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
— CONTINUES TO BE BECOME SMALLER AND MORE CONCENTRATED. ( LAUGHTER )
IN AN INTERVIEW THIS WEEK, SHE TOOK A MOMENT TO LAUGH IN THE
FACE OF ONE OF HER CRITICS:>>THERE WAS A SENATOR, I THINK
IT WAS AFTER MY PANCREATIC CANCER, WHO ANNOUNCED WITH GREAT
GLEE THAT I WAS GOING TO BE DEAD WITHIN SIX MONTHS. THAT SENATOR, WHOSE NAME I HAVE
FORGOTTEN, IS NOW HIMSELF DEAD ( LAUGHTER )
AND I AM VERY MUCH ALIVE.>>Stephen: WOW! WOW! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT WAS RUTH-LESS! ( LAUGHTER )
NOW WE KNOW WHY SHE WORKS OUT SO MUCH. SO SHE CAN DANCE ON YOUR GRAVES. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, PABST BLUE RIBBON IS
INTRODUCING A NEW COFFEE-BEER HYBRID THAT THEY’RE CALLING
“HARD COFFEE.” ( LAUGHTER )
PUTTING ALCOHOL IN YOUR COFFEE? IF H.R. IS LISTENING, THAT’S THE
FIRST I’VE EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING. ( LAUGHTER )
MMM. OOOH, SMOOTH. SMOOTH. ( LAUGHTER )
SO, WHY DO THIS? ACCORDING TO THE PEOPLE OVER AT
P.B.R., “PABST BLUE RIBBON HAS ALWAYS BEEN A BRAND THAT PUSHES
BOUNDARIES AND CELEBRATES THOSE WHO EXPERIMENT AND TRY NEW
THINGS.” ( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS NEW. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN VOMITING FOR
CENTURIES. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, SOME FOOTAGE WENT VIRAL TODAY FROM DENVER,
COLORADO, WHERE A “BEAR TRIED TO STEAL AN ENTIRE DUMPSTER FROM A
MARIJUANA DISPENSARY.” ( LAUGHTER )
WHICH IS THE MOST DENVER THING I HAVE EVER SAID. TAKE A LOOK AT THE BEAR-IJUANA
THIEF IN ACTION. THERE HE IS CHECKING OUT THE
DUMPSTER… AND THERE HE GOES… OUT THE DOOR! ( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE HE’S NOT STEALING IT. HE’S LIKE, “GUYS, IT’S TUESDAY
NIGHT. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE
CURB.” ( LAUGHTER )
BY THE WAY, WORKERS AT THE WEED STORE SEE THE BEAR SO REGULARLY,
THEY’VE NICKNAMED IT “CHEESEBURGER.” ( LAUGHTER )
THOUGH I’M PRETTY SURE WORKERS IN A WEED STORE NICKNAME
EVERYTHING CHEESEBURGER. ( LAUGHTER )
WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK

100 thoughts on “Meanwhile… Ruth-less Bader Ginsburg

  1. MAYBE Netflix is losing subscribers – and hear me out on this… because they suck? 🙂
    Now, okay, yes, many of the Netflix originals are legitimately awesome. But the rest of it is REALLY hit and miss. It's like 60-80% foreign films/shows (i think there is some chance they have collected every Korean soap opera in existence lol. ) and even the stuff thats in my language can be fairly "meh" a lot of the time…
    Factor in the fact that most of the actually good shows you want to watch on netflix can usually be found online elsewhere for free, and it doesnt seem to make a whole lot of sense. At least not for me.

  2. Meatless Bacon has been around for decades. Look up "Loma Linda, Worthington, Stripples, and Breakfast Strips". Also, add "Big Franks" to your search terms from above.

  3. Lied about receiving stolen files under W, lied about promoting controversial nominee, lied about support of Roe vs Wade, lied about boofing, said a lot of “I don’t recall”. I don’t care about his hs partying days, but yeah, he lied about them.

  4. alan greenspan in a dress .. ruthie is dead …. ALAN GREENSPAN- DERSHOWITZ- IN DUAL- ROLE AS PART OF PLEA BARGAIN FOR EPSTEIN ISLAND CASE …( 3-roles–actually lol )

  5. He's not gonna mention that the amazon employee probably shat in the garden because if he took a toilet break he would get fired for being unproductive?

  6. Hey Stephen, I know you probably would never see this comment but I just wanna tell you I’ve been watching you for years and you’ve been such a huge inspiration for me. You helped me go through some tough times and made me a Trump supporter. I just wanna say thank you. #Trump2020

  7. little stevie calbert from southcarolina got his ass beat every day and turned out to be this car reck cringe

  8. 1:15 they already have meatless bacon, or do they mean they're making meatless bacon that doesn't taste like shit?

  9. RBG IS DEAD AND ON SEPTEMBER 11th PATRIOTS WILL DESCEND UPON THE SUPREME COURT STEPS AND DEMAND SHE APPEAR ON THOSE STEPS AND GIVE A LIVE INTERVIEW ABOUT THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATES IN DETROIT!!!!!! BOOM!!

  10. RBG throws some serious shade!
    👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  11. Wow. These deep fake videos just get better and better. Stephen Colbert, where have your balls gone? Oh, you didn't want them anyway.

  12. He was more hungry for it the first year he thought there might be an advertiser out there for him besides me.

  13. Having a problem with eating meat is a sure sign of mental illness. Do these people not know that just about every living creature is eaten alive when it gets weak? Do they really think our way is more cruel than nature? LOL

  14. I’m not religious or country but I sincerely mean this: BLESS RBGs heart! What an amazing, intelligent,strong lady! An inspiration!

  15. Um, Coffee-Beer was a huge plotline in the Drew Carey Show. I think Buzz Beer would like a word with these "experimental" people.

  16. Still no live pictures of RBG anywhere. That interview was probably prerecorded as she was dieing SIX MONTHS AGO!!!

  17. Another program that is a joke. I don't waste my time listening to the moron group.LOL. I'd rather watch
    Barney& friends

  18. Have you heard her during oral arguments!? She sounds like she needs to be in an retirement home. It's that bad. This is a myth.

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