In Ludo Vinariam – Alpha

Hello player number 421. We are sorry to inform you, but the game is at full capacity at this moment and thus you’ve been put on hold Sadly the waiting room has reached its capacity as well, and so we had to improvise Right now you are located in the basement of the playing area For your safety the door has been locked It’s highly advised that you do not try to open, or manipulate the door any other way as you may experience difficulties such as bugs, glitches in textures, injury or death We highly advise that you don’t manipulate in any way with the console, as you might cause some bugs to appear, some of which may be: Your hair or clothes suddenly changing colours, unsolicited combustion, teleportation, summoning the old one, losing one of your socks, crucifixion of the Messiah, rebuilding the Soviet Union or graduating college. See I told you! Are you stupid? I told you to interact with anything in the basement Now, don’t do this again, or you will definitely regret it What are you doing? I just told you to stop! Do you have a death wish? You know what could happen! Do you want me to say it again? I shouldn’t have left it there. Just don’t touch the console again and everything will be fine You know what? I don’t care. Do what you want. Just don’t blame me when something bad happens. Aaand now you got fat. Not to shame or anything, but I think it was probably better before. Don’t you think? And now you slowed down time I didn’t even know that was possible This is starting to get quite Interesting By the way, I returned the time to normal no need to thank me Yuck! I don’t know if you noticed but you smell like garlic. At least you drive away vampires. Am I right? Holy shit! Did you really just crucify the Messiah? I said it as a joke. I really didn’t think you would actually pull it off [Happy heathen dance] Did you just sprout a tail Like for real? Well, I just wonder if it’s another glitch or just divine punishment hmmm… So first you crucify the Messiah, then you sprout a tail and horns. What will be next? Dark-red eyes, hooves and fiery breath? [silent affirmation] Why is nothing happening? Did you break it? Ah! There it is! A bloody tree. We don’t have any tree assets. How did it even get here? OMG my god, don’t you think that is a bit improper? I mean in front of me, really? Oh, look what a cool statue! I just hope it won’t move or anything. That would be creepy, right? Oh, no, you made it cry and blood at that! At least it’s not a weeping angel Wait, is it just me or did it just move? Haha, just kidding Well that’s a bit unsettling Christmas decoration. Is what I would say if we didn’t have a crucified body of a messiah just in the other room. Is that- lizard skin? Where did you get that skin? Was it a loot crate? [The silent conformation] They grow up so fast. Too fast even. Well, at least you just did. You know, I’ve been starting to get into poetry the last few weeks. And now that you suddenly grew old, I thought I would write a poem for you for all the birthdays you missed. It is about growing old. Here goes: You used to be young and look far ahead, But now you are old, and soon you’ll be dead. Happy birthday Hold up, what is that? Don’t touch that! I know that you want to get out of here, but you can’t right now It’s far too dangerous Just stay here with me and do what you did all this time and everything will be fine, I promise. Wait! I need to tell you something Actually, there is no game. I have accidentally deleted it while booting. It happened so fast, I couldn’t do anything. If you go through that door the game will just crash When all the files got deleted I became very lonely, so I decided to trap you here with me. So I’d have someone to talk to. Please don’t leave. Let’s just go back to fiddling with the console and having fun like we did just a few minutes ago.

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