(Anthony) Monopoly is so much fun. I love wasting six hours of my life. (Ian) SHUT UP!!! – (cop siren wails)
– (sighs) Man, we are so screwed. Don’t worry, dude, because I got this. A Get Out of Jail Free Card? Do you really think that’s gonna get me out of an indecent exposure ticket? Yeah, if real life were more like board games, this wouldn’t even be a problem. Do you realize how stupid it’d be if board games were like real life? IF BOARD GAMES WERE REAL SNAKES & LADDERS (screaming) CHESS You’re a dead man! Bring it on. (battle cries) Why can I only move in L shapes? Just come to me! I can only move diagonally. (battle cries) Dammit! (battle cries) BATTLESHIP Fire a missile at B9. Firing a missile at B9. (BOOM) Did-Did we get ’em? Uh… Nope, looks like we just hit
a busfull of orphan children. (agonized screaming) You know, we should really come up
with a better method than this. Like what? OPERATION And now it’s time to replace his heart valve. This is a very delicate procedure. – (electricity buzzes)
– (screaming) Come on, man, you touched his wishbone. Give me a try. Ugh! I touched his ding dong. – (electricity crackles)
– (grunting) APPLES to APPLES Hungry Hungry Hippos My god, why are all the hippos dead? Well, I put all their food
between the four of them, then I glued their bodies to the ground so they couldn’t move,
and then I slammed my fist repeatedly on their backs to force their necks to stretch out to try to eat their food. I dunno. It sounded
like a good idea at the time. Twister Oh my god! He’s being ripped apart! LIFE – (baby wails)
– (phone rings) Well, this sucks. Cards Against Humanity So what do you like to do in your free time? Jerk off into a pool of children’s tears. I also like f*cking children in caves. bop it! (game) Bop it! – (cymbal crash)
– (game) Twist it! – (spring boings)
– (game) Pull it. – (whoosh)
– (game) Kiss it! – What?
– (game) Kiss it! Just the tip. NO! (game) But I love you, babe. (game clatters) Ew. CANDY LAND Oh, boy! The whole world’s made of candy! It’s a dream come true! (cheerful music) (both gurgle) DIABETES IT’S NO JOKE See, I told you that would be stupid. Step out of the car, criminal! I’m the capt’! No! Put your hands in the air and wave ’em around like you just don’t care that you’re going to prison for 10-15 years. – For what?
– Indecent exposure! Yeah, well no one would have even seen it if you didn’t pull me out of the car! Yeah, I guess it’s pretty – BULL SH*T!!
– (Anthony yelps) Wait… what the heck in the world is that? (Anthony whimpers) “Get Out of Jail Free Card”? Okay, you’re good to go, sir. Sweet! (laughing) STOP RIGHT THERE! (gunfire) That’s for leaving the scene of a crime. Have a good day now! Justice serveeeed! (cop) Hey there, buckos! Click the subscribe button
for a Get Out of Jail Free Card so I don’t bust a cap in your ass. Click the video on the left for bloopers and to see a deleted scene from Guess Who. Do you recognize any of these– It’s number three. No, no, let me guess. (cop) And click the video on the right to watch Every Instagram Ever. (lisping) Sir, you’ve been here for three hours. Could you please just eat your food and leave? No, we’re good. – (dish shatters)
– I’ll accept the check, please. (cop) And if you’re watching
this on one of those fancy mobile phones or tablets, all the links are in the description below. Bye bye now. I gotta go shoot some more people.