I Apologize for Talking While You Were Talking – Snail Racing & A Chess Scandal | The Daily Show

I Apologize for Talking While You Were Talking – Snail Racing & A Chess Scandal | The Daily Show

-Oh, yeah, hut, hut, hut!
Hut, hut, hut! -Oh, yeah. Hey, sports fans. I’m Michael
“The Motorcycle” Kosta, and he’s Roy
“Grapefruit LaCroix” Wood Jr. Wait, how’s that my nickname? LaCroix, we are officially
in the most boring part of the sports calendar. Nothing exciting is happening. Wait, wait, wait.
We still got baseball action. Like I said,
nothing exciting is happening. But luckily,
that means we’ve got some time to cover some
of the more obscure sports, like snail racing. NEWSMAN: The world’s
fastest snails slugging it out at the World Championship
Snail Race. The snails race
to reach the outer circle of the 13-inch course, which is just a table
with a damp cloth spread out. This year’s winner
was a snail named Sammy, who completed the course
in two minutes and 38 seconds, a lightning fast time for one of the world’s
slowest animals. Wow! Snail racing. That has got to be
the slowest sport in the world. Well, not as slow as baseball. -Aah!
-Damn it! You say one more thing
about America’s pastime, I’ll send you back
to your shithole country. -Roy, I’m from Michigan.
-Exactly. But here’s… here’s what I wonder
about this sport, Kosta. -Yeah. -How do you train
a snail to race? Maybe you hire a French guy
to chase him -with a knife and fork,
you know? -Oh, good idea. (French accent):
I am going to eat you, -and then I will seduce
your sister. -Yeah. (normal voice):
I sound like a Mexican Nigerian. -It’s a terrible accent.
-Yeah, well, let’s move on. ‘Cause if you thought
snail racing was quirky, wait till you see what’s
happening under the water. NEWSMAN:
It’s fast. It’s furious. It’s Octopush. Underwater hockey
is a lung-busting team sport, and, believe it or not, there are rules
to this madness. MAN: It’s just unlike any other
sport you can play, really, because you’re just surrounded. It’s almost silent
in the way you play it. (laughter) Goddamn!
What kind of sport is that? I feel like white people saw
one black guy playing hockey, and they were like,
“We should add water.” Yeah, I-I…
I think this looks fun, Roy, but personally, I don’t mess
with swimming pools. I dove into the shallow end
years ago and bumped my head. Yeah. -Were you okay?
-Yeah. But personally, I don’t mess
with swimming pools. I dove into the shallow end
years ago, and I bumped my head, so… All right, well, moving on. You know another sport
we don’t hear much about? Chess. Lots of people
think chess is boring, but it turns out
it’s a lot more exciting -than you think.
-Huh. A chess grand master is accused
of cheating in a bathroom during a tournament
in France last week. This is a picture
of Igor Rausis on the toilet. He was suspended after this
photo shows him sitting there and looking at his cell phone during a break
from a competition. The World Chess Federation
director on Facebook said he has long been suspected
of cheating. The 58-year-old
has stunned the chess world by racking up winnings
at an age when most players, you know, decline. Wow. Wow. -Caught cheating
in a bathroom stall. -Yeah. Major kudos
to whichever bathroom pervert -snapped that photo.
-Yeah, I-I… -Thank you.
-I got to start… I got to start using this, Roy. “Uh, what’s that, Officer? “Why am I setting up
a toilet cam? Because I respect
the integrity of chess.” My thing is this, though: you don’t even need
to leave the room -to cheat at chess.
-Yeah. Want to cheat at chess?
This is what you do. All right, you’re playing chess,
and you’re losing, and then you go,
“Oh, my God, look over there! -It’s Judi Dench!”
-I love Judi Dench. What are you talking about? -Checkmate!
-What? -Man, you are…
-Gotcha! What? Yeah, you know,
what I find shocking, Roy, is that people
actually consider chess a sport. Uh, chess is a sport. You need focus, strategy,
mental endurance. It’s a lot… Chess is a board game
like Monopoly. Does that mean
Monopoly is a sport? -I’ll whup your ass in Monopoly.
-I… I’ll send your ass to jail. That-that was not meant
as a racial thing! In Monopoly,
if you don’t pay rent, then you-you have to… Do you guys know
how Monopoly works? You– -I… -Let’s go. Right now.
Right now. We’re playing– -we’re playing Monopoly right
now. -Want to go right now? -Let’s play Monopoly right now.
-All right, you’re on. Let’s go. I-I just need ten to 15 minutes
to go to the bathroom. -I’ll come right back? -Okay,
okay. We’re playing Monopoly. -We’re playing Monopoly. Back
to you, Trevor. -Personally, I don’t really jump
in the pool very often. -We’re gonna play Monopoly.
-You know? Roy Wood Jr.
and Michael Kosta, everyone.

100 thoughts on “I Apologize for Talking While You Were Talking – Snail Racing & A Chess Scandal | The Daily Show

  1. Hey can you please talk about ebola, people should be aware and take precautions. We don't have to die because they we were uninformed help spread the word please

  2. Sucks getting caught cheating in the bathroom, i think the acoustics gave me away, my ex thought there is no way he is mixing macaroni and cheese in the stall.

  3. What house rules has Costa been playing Monopoly with? Get out of paying rent by going to jail? Must be the bumped head talking.

  4. I remember when I was in elementary school (called primary school in Argentina) some kids played underwater hockey in PE. Didn't know it was that weird.

  5. Underwater Hockey sounds weird also I never knew Snail racing was a sport. BTW Roy I don't think anyone would fall for that when they've been trained to constantly be focused while playing the game

  6. Well, every team sport where any gender can participate in the same team is an improvement. If that can be done via underwater hockey, so be it.^^

  7. "Caught cheating in a bathroom stall" at 3:05 – 3:09 reminds me of the Shaggy lyrics "she caught me red-handed Creepin' with the girl next door Picture this, we were both butt naked Bangin' on the bathroom floor."

  8. Why is chess a sport but ballet is not? Jean-Claude Van Damme pointed out he took both ballet and karate and the former was harder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xI_olzX7Ycw

  9. Thus vid made me die.thus too make a great duo. Please feature bonercicle and lacroix. Again dude this gud was packed with gold

  10. "Chess is a board game like monopoly"

    Friendly reminder.

    Chess has been around since 6th century AD.

    Monopoly came out in 1935.

  11. How the heck do they not bump into each other in underwater hockey??
    I can't even float in place without bumping into the person next to me constantly while snorkeling

  12. I find micheal so sexy ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜ he is like that stupid good looking guy at highschool, you know he got no futur but goddamn i ready to take the risk ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

  13. Dci is a good sport to watch right now. It's a shame they took it off ESPN so many years ago.
    (And yes marching is a sport lol there's physical endurance, scoring, competition, and frankly it's fascinating to watch. In fact, there are studies that show a Marchers heart rear jumps to the same rate as a runner when the music starts just standing still)

  14. U know there was a world championship for monopoly in 2008 I donโ€™t know why they didnโ€™t renewed it after that

  15. Chess is a sport not doubt about it. It requires a lot of knowledge, strategy, tactics, concentration, good memory, patience (tournaments levels) … itโ€™s not just how you move each piece. Some people find it boring because is not active, but its fun.

  16. If chess and golf are sports then why arenโ€™t video games a sport cus they are all ten times bigger in ppl watching and gaming is also the biggest industry of entertainment then why donโ€™t ppl think it a sport

  17. Costa, diving at the shallow end of the swimming pool has consequences. Mexican Nigerian is definitely a new one. Im in stitches…

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